There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I checked into jail on foursquare
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
