Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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