Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
