I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
