The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
