The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
