1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
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