Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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