i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
At least make sure they are 18
Why
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
