What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
