After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
