i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
where are you?
Hypothermia
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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