Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
