he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
i out mim tonsoeep
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