she was so not down for the gang bang
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
