After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just pee around me
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
