we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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