Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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