and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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