I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
