i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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