Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
