I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
