I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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