i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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