I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
