My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
