I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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