a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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