actually, I'm a sock model
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
