I want you more than these girls want KFC
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
