his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
