Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You need a sexual gate keeper
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
