the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
