I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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