I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
