I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
