i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
