like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
