Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Randomize
