can we get nightvision for the apartment?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
