My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
