Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
