She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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