I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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