Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
