A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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