She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
