i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
