You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
