I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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