i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
