How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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