I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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