dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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