My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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