I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
