i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
