I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
