We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
PANTIES FOUND
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