I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
