Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
