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• (917): View more from New York City

  Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now

  (917): View more from New York City

  Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker

  (914): View more from New York

  Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.

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• (213): View more from California

  dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.

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• (308): View more from Nebraska

  He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.

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• (863): View more from Florida

  And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?

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• (619): View more from California

  Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts

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• (562): View more from California

  I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.

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• (518): View more from New York

  He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.

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