Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
