I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
